Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
