If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
