Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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