five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
