he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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