Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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