apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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