2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
