How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
