Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
