I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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