Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
