Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
