just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
