I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
