don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize