ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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