Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
