Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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