3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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