escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
