I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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