my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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