I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
