areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
