the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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