so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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