Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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