He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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