I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
