i love accidental penises.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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