You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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