So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
