Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Randomize
