You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
