Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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