I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
