weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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