it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
