I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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