you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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