I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
