before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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