Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
