Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Randomize
