corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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