She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
