So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
