I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
