If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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