the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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