How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
