dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
