Where is the hickey?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
