Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm like, not good at living.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
