just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize