I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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