am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can I color on your dick again?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
