Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
