seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
