I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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