You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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