apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
