he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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