did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
