things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
