Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
