Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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