Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
