I cannot find my penis.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
