All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
