Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize