So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
