I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
