Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
