i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
