Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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