i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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